The Best Jokes I’ve Never Heard

If you could go back in time many summers ago, you would be able find a little red headed boy. He would be swaying on the back porch swing looking up at his grandpa with anticipation, but before the grandpa could say one word, he had to make sure no one was listening. The sun was setting and a cool breeze was starting to roll in like heavy fog. The back swing looked out upon a vast green backyard and a view of the middle school where football practice would soon be starting.

The grandpa looked over his skinny shoulder, but still, he wasn’t sure. The sound of the kitchen sink could no longer be heard through the open kitchen window. He got up slowly holding the arm rest of the swing as if he was balancing a stack of books upon his bald head. The tall elderly man crept over to see if his wife was done cleaning up. She had just pulled a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.

Peeking through the bottom of the window a second time like an ornery child he caught a glimpse of her going into the living room to relax. The freckled boy not much taller than his grandpa’s waist let out a giggle when he saw his grandpa hurrying over to the swing with a mile-wide grin on his face. The little boy fell back into the swing and covered his mouth with his tiny hands trying to muffle his growing laughter.

The little boy’s grandpa sank into the old wooden swing and let out a heave. The boy straightened up and was ready for the story his grandpa was about to tell him. The grandpa said “before I tell you this story, Buckwheat, you have to promise me one thing. You have to promise me that your granny and mom won’t find out under any circumstance.”

The grandpa went on and on with different stories and jokes until the lightning bugs came out or one of his jokes had to be stopped because he thought an eavesdropper was trying to listen. If you could go back in time, many summers ago you would be able to talk to a little red headed boy, and he would tell you all about the best jokes that he had never heard.